When is the right time to dip your toe in the dating pool?
We all want to look and feel our best when we make our first impression, and most of us are humble enough to know we’re not perfect. (I’d like to think we’re all that humble, perhaps I’m kidding myself.)
My friend Mike is facing a dilemma right now. He has been an eHarmony member for a while, but recently he has had a new challenge in life. He has had health problems this year, and although he is working and going about his day-to-day life, the recovery and side effects of his medication have taken their toll.
The problem is that he has been corresponding with Erin, and the two have a good rapport going. Erin, however, is questioning if Mike is being honest about himself because he has been hesitant to meet her. What she doesn’t know is that his medication has taken a physical toll on him, and if he does meet her right now, he certainly won’t be putting his best foot forward. (No, he didn’t break his foot.)
So, does he tell her about his health problems, his road to recovery and the side effects of his medication, medication he won’t have to take for the rest of his life? Does he meet her, even though he doesn’t look and feel his best? (I saw him this week for the first time in about six weeks, and I could see the difference immediately.) Does he ask for her patience in meeting for the first time, given his situation? All good questions.
To Mike’s credit he wants to maintain a sense of normalcy in his life. If he meets Erin, after explaining his situation, he’ll find out if she is really somebody special, somebody willing to overlook his temporary health setbacks.
I can’t blame Mike for wanting to go about business as usual, but the cliché is true, you get one chance to make a first impression.
I think it would be tough to meet a woman who told me up front that she doesn’t look or feel her best, yet is in the process of recovery. It doesn’t have to be a major obstacle to cultivating a new relationship, but that’s easily said.
If I were Mike, I’d ask Erin for patience and not begrudge her if she keeps scouring eHarmony for Mr. Right. If I were Erin, I’d be understanding of Mike’s situation, wish him the best, keep in touch and let the chips fall where they may. But that’s me.
Only they can decide what makes sense for them. I hope this helps them make the right decision.
