Manufactured friendship?

More than a decade ago I was working one night per week at a bar in Bloomington, the biggest suburb in the Twin Cities. One of my co-workers, Shawn, invited me to a social gathering somewhere on the east side of the Twin Cities. He was a good guy, and is a Facebook friend today. I haven't seen him in several years, but he found me on Facebook for whatever reason, so we keep in touch, virtually.

I'm not sure how or why Shawn became connected to a particular social circle he was a part of, but he invited me to join him at a gathering one summer evening. It became clear to me during the party that this wasn't your typical social gathering. No, it wasn't an orgy, there was nothing illicit occurring, at least not that I was aware of. There was a bonfire, alcohol and modest socializing. It was like any other party, except it was a contrived social group. I don't remember how or why these fine folks found each other, but they were a collection of random people who sought out a social group.

The Internet was in its infancy back then. That doesn't mean this group wasn't engaged in social networking before social networking became mandatory, but I didn't sense it was a cutting-edge group blazing a trail all would soon follow. I sensed this was a group of people who had found their way to each other through the old-fashioned channels, whatever they were.

I don't remember much about that night, other than a guy asking me if I was new to the group. That's when it became clear to me that the social gathering was contrived.

That didn't make it wrong, but it was far from organic.

Given the fact that I just spent a Saturday night cleaning my unheated apartment -- don't ask -- you'd think I'd welcome any chance for human contact. I wouldn't argue against that, but I still struggle with the concept of contrived human contact.

Thanks to the Internet you can find a group of strangers to gather with in major cities across America on almost any given night. If you live in International Falls, Minn., you're still fucked, but in major metropolitan areas there are plenty of random strangers waiting to socialize.

One of my best friends is a big user of meetup.com, a website dedicated to bringing strangers together. I have no problem with the concept, and I admire people who find others with common interests via meetup.com.

My friend is far from anti-social, and has no problem making friends, especially given the fact that she travels about the country for her job on a consistent basis and is meeting new people every single day of her life. She uses meetup.com to further expand her social networks, and she knows a lot of great people thanks to meetup.com.

Meetup.com has networking groups for every social, political, health and educational niche you can imagine. And then there are groups that are run by my friend, groups that exist purely for social gatherings.

My friend started out as a member of one such social group and eventually became an assistant organizer of events for the group. For political reasons she ended up leaving that group and starting a similar group. With the help of others she plans social activities that run the gamut. Last night she had a holiday party at a bar in St. Paul.

I've become somewhat anti-social in my old age, and no matter how progressive it might seem to participate in an online social network I struggle with the idea that it's a bit desperate of a concept. Despite my reservations I attended the holiday party.

The party attracted a variety of people who don't seem to mind socializing under such contrived circumstances. There had to be at least a 30-year span between the youngest and oldest participant. Some of those who attended were regulars at such events, some were brand new to the group. I ended up talking to a woman who has participated in other meetup.com groups, but was new to my friend's group.

This social group is not intended to serve as a dating pool, but according to my friend her group has sparked more than a few relationships. I'm unclear why people attend such functions, but there's a group of regulars, and always somebody new showing up to the larger group gatherings that happen occasionally, as far as I can tell. There's a small membership fee, per se, but it's not much, and I'm not sure it's mandatory, actually. There's no pre-screening of participants, all that is required of first-timers is a willingness to track down a group of strangers at a set time and place.

If I moved to Las Vegas tomorrow, meetup.com might provide a great resource to meet people interested in a variety of things that interest me, or meet people who are outgoing and always interested in meeting new people, regardless of their interests.

The idea of meeting people at a bar through a pre-arranged event instead of randomly wandering into a bar makes all the sense in the world. So why do I find the concept so perplexing, and why don't I find it more appealing?